On Republican Rock Stars that Matter in the 2012 US Presidential Election
The song goes "Rumor Has it, Rumor Has it..." It was a recent Top 100 track. With America's fascination for rumor and nuanced innuendo, in politics, it is time to talk about some other rumors:
Rumor is that when they tried to measure John's Stewart's IQ, in 3rd grade, the "Simon-Binet" scale (aka the Stanford-Binet IQ score; note how we Americans always have the last laugh over the French) blew-up.
The rumor is puzzling, since the same scale imploded when George W. Bush was tested, as a college Senior - huh? did W'ya even graduate? That is a whole another topic of conversation, not unlike some other myths that surround W'Ya - his Air Reserve Guard Service (did he actually serve, or not?) during Vietnam, or was W'Ya guilty of DUI or not? or did Papa Bush intervene to save the Prodigal Son's proverbial rear-end? Or, are rumors of all the Global achievements from W'Ya's exhilirating 2 term rent free life at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, where instead of merely redecorating the West Wing, DumYa (sorry, that's a typo, I swear) focussed on redecorating the World (with a blanket permission, and a blank check, granted by our very own US Congress, with the exception of, amongst others, the current occupant of 1600, and a majority Blessing of the Truly Impotent - aka, The UN) true? Yeeeehaw!.
Why aim for anything less than a series of Texas sized accomplishments when one can Shock and Awe, Grin, Holler, and then Grin some more, and, land aboard USS Abraham Lincoln (It's gonna be OK Mr. President, stop turning in the grave. Its all good. The Union is still together. As of today.), in a two seater Lockheed S-3 Viking fighter jet flown by the other guy (Lt. Ryan Phillips), in full fighter pilot regalia. Perhaps W'Ya did serve after all - he remembered how to put the gravity suit on. See, I am a reasonable man, and will always err on the side of granting the benefit of doubt, unless someone, anyone, even the Rovester, can create reasonable doubt - that is how high the bar should be, for such National Security matters, and for the human body that sits in the chair in the Oval Office, with keys to our collective Nucear arsenal (another type, I am sorry). Mission Accomplished. Indeed Mr. Texas Rangers. You succeeded in creating Jaw-Dropping Shock, and Eyebrow Raising Awe with your temerity, and Executive spending of Pentagon funds. You ended "Major Combat Operations" on May 1, 2003. Without capturing Osama Bin Laden, Dead or Alive (Its all good, Bon Jovi). I know, I know - you left detailed instructions, for your successor, on how to get Osama, and 8 years after your selfless risk taking, as Commander in Chief, with the aircraft carrier landing, HE got it done. Finally. I know right? - What took him 3 years into his first term to capture and kill America's Enemy number One and FBI's number one Most Wanted? Well that, DumYa, is the reason the Stanford-Binet scale imploded in the first place. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise is still contemplating those copyright infringement charges. How un-American. How un-Scientific.
Dick, Bless-His-New-Heart, Cheney, meanwhile, argues that even though he hauled his hind end to Canada (Canada? Really?? Fine, let's not talk of the 'Looney', it was simply closest to land-locked Casper, Wyoming, by way of Billings, Helena, and Great Falls. There is no proof though, that a Robert Bruce Cheney crossed the international line via the land border, but merely an informed guess, since Dick's father was, of all things, a not-so-highly-paid soil conservation agent for the US Department of Agriculture - talk about having a Big Government, and an EPA like Agency, even back in 1941), to beat the draft during Vietnam. We accept, without an iota of doubt, your claim, that Vancouver, BC, was not 'Hunting' Central, though there were multiple sightings of Weapons of mass Destruction, in Canada, that you had been covertly tasked by ____ (covert, you see), by an unnamed (covert, again) Federal Agency. In your defense, though, Carl Rove has been pointing out that J. Edgar Hoover was secretly a CIA operative. That's code for Agent. And that J. Edgar was Gay. That is Carl Rove just being Carl Rove.
Finally, Mitt 'the-money-man' Romney. I am not sure where to start - that he served as a missionary for his faith, in France, spreading the Mormon word, while Americans were coming home in body-bags, or with mangled bodies, if at all, during the time our French friends (why is it that France is always the party-spoiler?) was enjoying one of the finest runs of Burgundy seasons in its history. Or, should I begin with his Leveraged Buy-Out deals, as head of Bain Capital, that he is trying so hard to recast, and sell, as a 100,000+ job creation Venture Capitalist tenure. Never mind, that a paltry 2.5 million investment in Staples counts today as having created 42,000 jobs. Feel the Shock, Staples? Feel the Awe emanating from the audacity of the lie? Or, should I merely mention how many Americans were fired, and families destroyed, after Bain took control of each of those LBO target companies, leveraged those Balance Sheets to the Hilt, thereby Bankrupting viable businesses that had previously had a history of profitable operations, and that Bain, and Mitt, made their fortunes (read, hundreds of Millions of Greenbacks) in the process.
I can continue, but Zuckerberg called last night, if I remember the foggy 1AM call right, and asked if I would stop sending him not-so-nice-emails regarding his IPO, and keep my Status Updates to the mundane, like most of his 900 million plus users. But then, I digress.
There is no doubt you have some brains, Mitt. 2 degrees from Harvard, despite being burdened with a former Governor as Dad. You have money, and that is amply clear in how you like your cookies, and from your having examined your full tax-disclosures, as presumptive nominee.
But you Mitt forget one thing - the 'Other' guy can shoot 3 pointers, from downtown, and around your sun soaked celebrity looks. Yes, 'White Men Can't Jump' was a real movie. I also hear he can also drive them straight down the fairways. Nothing like Bubba Watson from Iraq, FL, can, but long enough. And always straight. Well, at least that's his intent. No fades. No Draws. No Flips and No Flops. And without even an Etch a Sketch layout of the golf course. Just straight. I hear that is the only way you like them anyways.
Incidentally though, he also has a degree from Harvard. Sponsored by his single 'parent' grandmother.
What was that Mitt? Birth Certificate? Yes, he has one, an Original from the hospital in Hawaii where he was born. You do know that Hawaii became our 50th Great State before August 4, 1961, right? Or are you simply confused about the dates? Fine, that was on August 21, 1959. Darn, missed by just shy of 2 years!
November 2012 is not about any Republican. It is about the soul of America, and its Heart. And, it is about to be ripped out, leveraged and sold in Bankruptcy courts, if the Republican Men have their way. In the interest of full-disclosure, I am a registered independent in FL. That is why I was unable to vote for any one of the clowns on the GOP slate. Not that I would have.
Yours truly.
PS: Upon looking up VP biden's IQ scores from his college days, we discovered that the scale wasn't around prior to World War I. I am serious.
The song goes "Rumor Has it, Rumor Has it..." It was a recent Top 100 track. With America's fascination for rumor and nuanced innuendo, in politics, it is time to talk about some other rumors:
Rumor is that when they tried to measure John's Stewart's IQ, in 3rd grade, the "Simon-Binet" scale (aka the Stanford-Binet IQ score; note how we Americans always have the last laugh over the French) blew-up.
The rumor is puzzling, since the same scale imploded when George W. Bush was tested, as a college Senior - huh? did W'ya even graduate? That is a whole another topic of conversation, not unlike some other myths that surround W'Ya - his Air Reserve Guard Service (did he actually serve, or not?) during Vietnam, or was W'Ya guilty of DUI or not? or did Papa Bush intervene to save the Prodigal Son's proverbial rear-end? Or, are rumors of all the Global achievements from W'Ya's exhilirating 2 term rent free life at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, where instead of merely redecorating the West Wing, DumYa (sorry, that's a typo, I swear) focussed on redecorating the World (with a blanket permission, and a blank check, granted by our very own US Congress, with the exception of, amongst others, the current occupant of 1600, and a majority Blessing of the Truly Impotent - aka, The UN) true? Yeeeehaw!.
Why aim for anything less than a series of Texas sized accomplishments when one can Shock and Awe, Grin, Holler, and then Grin some more, and, land aboard USS Abraham Lincoln (It's gonna be OK Mr. President, stop turning in the grave. Its all good. The Union is still together. As of today.), in a two seater Lockheed S-3 Viking fighter jet flown by the other guy (Lt. Ryan Phillips), in full fighter pilot regalia. Perhaps W'Ya did serve after all - he remembered how to put the gravity suit on. See, I am a reasonable man, and will always err on the side of granting the benefit of doubt, unless someone, anyone, even the Rovester, can create reasonable doubt - that is how high the bar should be, for such National Security matters, and for the human body that sits in the chair in the Oval Office, with keys to our collective Nucear arsenal (another type, I am sorry). Mission Accomplished. Indeed Mr. Texas Rangers. You succeeded in creating Jaw-Dropping Shock, and Eyebrow Raising Awe with your temerity, and Executive spending of Pentagon funds. You ended "Major Combat Operations" on May 1, 2003. Without capturing Osama Bin Laden, Dead or Alive (Its all good, Bon Jovi). I know, I know - you left detailed instructions, for your successor, on how to get Osama, and 8 years after your selfless risk taking, as Commander in Chief, with the aircraft carrier landing, HE got it done. Finally. I know right? - What took him 3 years into his first term to capture and kill America's Enemy number One and FBI's number one Most Wanted? Well that, DumYa, is the reason the Stanford-Binet scale imploded in the first place. Meanwhile, Tom Cruise is still contemplating those copyright infringement charges. How un-American. How un-Scientific.
Dick, Bless-His-New-Heart, Cheney, meanwhile, argues that even though he hauled his hind end to Canada (Canada? Really?? Fine, let's not talk of the 'Looney', it was simply closest to land-locked Casper, Wyoming, by way of Billings, Helena, and Great Falls. There is no proof though, that a Robert Bruce Cheney crossed the international line via the land border, but merely an informed guess, since Dick's father was, of all things, a not-so-highly-paid soil conservation agent for the US Department of Agriculture - talk about having a Big Government, and an EPA like Agency, even back in 1941), to beat the draft during Vietnam. We accept, without an iota of doubt, your claim, that Vancouver, BC, was not 'Hunting' Central, though there were multiple sightings of Weapons of mass Destruction, in Canada, that you had been covertly tasked by ____ (covert, you see), by an unnamed (covert, again) Federal Agency. In your defense, though, Carl Rove has been pointing out that J. Edgar Hoover was secretly a CIA operative. That's code for Agent. And that J. Edgar was Gay. That is Carl Rove just being Carl Rove.
Finally, Mitt 'the-money-man' Romney. I am not sure where to start - that he served as a missionary for his faith, in France, spreading the Mormon word, while Americans were coming home in body-bags, or with mangled bodies, if at all, during the time our French friends (why is it that France is always the party-spoiler?) was enjoying one of the finest runs of Burgundy seasons in its history. Or, should I begin with his Leveraged Buy-Out deals, as head of Bain Capital, that he is trying so hard to recast, and sell, as a 100,000+ job creation Venture Capitalist tenure. Never mind, that a paltry 2.5 million investment in Staples counts today as having created 42,000 jobs. Feel the Shock, Staples? Feel the Awe emanating from the audacity of the lie? Or, should I merely mention how many Americans were fired, and families destroyed, after Bain took control of each of those LBO target companies, leveraged those Balance Sheets to the Hilt, thereby Bankrupting viable businesses that had previously had a history of profitable operations, and that Bain, and Mitt, made their fortunes (read, hundreds of Millions of Greenbacks) in the process.
I can continue, but Zuckerberg called last night, if I remember the foggy 1AM call right, and asked if I would stop sending him not-so-nice-emails regarding his IPO, and keep my Status Updates to the mundane, like most of his 900 million plus users. But then, I digress.
There is no doubt you have some brains, Mitt. 2 degrees from Harvard, despite being burdened with a former Governor as Dad. You have money, and that is amply clear in how you like your cookies, and from your having examined your full tax-disclosures, as presumptive nominee.
But you Mitt forget one thing - the 'Other' guy can shoot 3 pointers, from downtown, and around your sun soaked celebrity looks. Yes, 'White Men Can't Jump' was a real movie. I also hear he can also drive them straight down the fairways. Nothing like Bubba Watson from Iraq, FL, can, but long enough. And always straight. Well, at least that's his intent. No fades. No Draws. No Flips and No Flops. And without even an Etch a Sketch layout of the golf course. Just straight. I hear that is the only way you like them anyways.
Incidentally though, he also has a degree from Harvard. Sponsored by his single 'parent' grandmother.
What was that Mitt? Birth Certificate? Yes, he has one, an Original from the hospital in Hawaii where he was born. You do know that Hawaii became our 50th Great State before August 4, 1961, right? Or are you simply confused about the dates? Fine, that was on August 21, 1959. Darn, missed by just shy of 2 years!
November 2012 is not about any Republican. It is about the soul of America, and its Heart. And, it is about to be ripped out, leveraged and sold in Bankruptcy courts, if the Republican Men have their way. In the interest of full-disclosure, I am a registered independent in FL. That is why I was unable to vote for any one of the clowns on the GOP slate. Not that I would have.
Yours truly.
PS: Upon looking up VP biden's IQ scores from his college days, we discovered that the scale wasn't around prior to World War I. I am serious.
2 comments:
Posted a comment earlier and it didn't post. So this is a test 1...2...3
You articulated this far better than I ever could but it spoke to my very soul on the matter.
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